Find the Proxy Metric
Inspired by Jess Lachs episode
Jess Lachs on metrics: retention is impossible to move short-term. Find a proxy you can actually influence. Like whether your kid puts their shoes on without a hostage negotiation.
Jess says don't goal on retention—it's impossible to move in two weeks. Find the proxy metric. The thing that whispers: if this goes up, retention follows.
Your parenting goal? "Raise a functional human." Cool. That's 18 years away and you're currently losing a debate about whether cereal counts as dinner. You need wins you can track TODAY.
So find your proxy metrics. Did they say "sorry" without you threatening to cancel Christmas? Put their shoes on without a constitutional crisis? Share a toy before UN-level diplomacy was required?
You can't directly manufacture "good kid"—that's the long-term outcome. But you can track small moments of impulse control and empathy. String together enough days where pants happen without warfare, and eventually you've got a functional human.
You can't control the 18-year outcome. But you can track whether today had fewer meltdowns than yesterday.
