Carole Robin
The 15% Rule Works at Bedtime Too
Inspired by Carole Robin episode
Carole Robin's 15% vulnerability rule from Stanford's Touchy Feely class works perfectly for navigating toddler bedtime emotions.
Stanford's "Touchy Feely" class teaches the 15% rule: vulnerability needs to be just 15% more than feels comfortable. Too much and you've lost your audience. Apply this at bedtime, or lose your audience to a three-year-old who's suddenly fascinated by their toes.
Bedtime emotions run nuclear. Your kid is melting down. You think, "This is my moment to connect." So you bring your WHOLE emotional self. You're talking about feelings, using "I" statements, maybe referencing Brené Brown. Your toddler is staring at you like you've started speaking Klingon.
They're three. Their emotional capacity tops out somewhere between "sad" and "MORE SAD." You've brought a therapy session. They wanted "I feel sad when you hit me." Instead you gave them "Let's explore our regulation strategies together" and now they're under the bed.
The 15% rule: meet them where they are, just slightly beyond. Not 100% beyond. Not even 50%. Fifteen. That's it. That's the zone where connection happens. Anywhere past that, you're just monologuing to a tiny person planning their escape.
